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I know that experiencing peace of mind, much less overcoming self sabotaging beliefs and patterns can be challenging in our current reality to say the least, but I can share that it is indeed possible when done intentionally and with commitment. What this looks like in a literal and practical way is to shut down ALL media and conversations other than those that are nourishing, inspiring and in the direction of SelfFULLness. It means to stop pointing fingers or assigning blame. It means to seek within yourSelf and take full responsibility for your ability to change. Nourish yourself by
choosing inspiring books, podcasts, music, movement, GET OUTSIDE (mamma-nature heals) and like minded COMMUNITY….make intentional, daily efforts with faith and commitment in and to YOU.

I realize that there are realities of life that we need to be aware of and engage in, but there is a BIG difference between intentionally seeking knowledge and sitting in front of a screen blasting our brains with what the media has to serve us. Are you aware of the common insider media tag-line “If it bleeds it leads”? We could go down the rabbit hole of why the media operates the way that it does, but in full transparency….I don’t care. 

Oftentimes we find ourselves needing help which takes great courage to not only recognize this need but to actually seek it out and ask for it. Even MD’s will encourage participation in one’s own healing even and especially in the most dire scenarios. There is a BIG difference in seeking support and collaboration in our healing vs. handing our personal power and responsibility of our health and wellbeing over to a “professional”.

I have similar sentiments in regard to why we are individually the way that we are. We can certainly dig into our past, parenting and ancestry, there is certainly some value in it, but then keep it moving! We can not change our past. We can not change our parents. We cannot change anything other than ourselves in this moment. Perpetually analyzing the past is futile and keeps us stuck there which leads to depression. Projecting our past experiences (which do not exist in this moment) as a means of informing our assumptions of the future leads to anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle but one that can be halted. 

Peacefulness is something that comes from within, from our quality of mind and where we choose to place our mind. It is a choice

I’m not saying that it’s easy, but considering the commitment, effort and money that we’ll put into making our asses and eyelashes look good I’m going to reinforce my above statement that it is indeed a CHOICE. 

While we would love to control others, our environment and the world around us, we simply can not….we only have power over ourselves. Unfortunately, we often hand our personal power over to others and situations when we make our sense of peacefulness or lack thereof dependent upon how they show up. This is a BIG mistake and a dead end. The only way to combat this is to gain control of our own minds and where we place our attention. The only control that we have is over ourselves and the CHOICES that we make. 

But HOW? (you must know by now that my answer is going to be to meditate!!! 🤪)


Let me repeat what I stated above: we’ll make exercising our ass so that it looks good a priority every single day, but we won’t exercise our ability to strengthen our mind & character….our stamina, resiliency and expansive creativity. This is a BIG mistake. Especially when we hem and haw about our current reality and over our less than ideal repeated experiences….we’ll cry, complain and point fingers like a champ perpetually placing blame on everyone and everything outside of ourselves and proclaim that our life is out of our control but this is a lie that we tell ourselves. It just is. We insist that there is nothing that we can do about the source of our pains, only to exact the unintentional reinforcement of the problem that we so desperately seek to avoid which is a perpetual cycle of self sabotage. 

I’m not trying to be ruthless here, but why beat around the proverbial bush…let’s just lay this mess right out on the table. This is not an opportunity for us to self criticize but the complete and total opposite… is an opportunity to take what I call “Empowered Responsibility” for our own lives. You could also view this as a radical act of calling ourselves out on our own shit in addition to exercising having complete faith in yourself; the challenges that you’ve faced thus far haven’t killed you and the act of being brutally honest and embracing your humanity will, if anything, save your life.  

Let me clarify a couple of myths for you……

  • Therapy is wonderful but if you aren’t actively making intentional daily efforts to change your mind then you’re just holding yourself in the past or cultivating fear of the future
  • Pharmaceuticals are oftentimes necessary for psychological/emotional challenges but most of the time are not meant to be utilized as a lifestyle but as a bridge, otherwise they become a crutch.
  • NO ONE and NOTHING can change your perceived reality but YOU
  • No one can heal you. There are many with the wonderful ability to “heal” others but they are extremely few and far between. Even those with this extraordinary gift cannot guarantee that the effects will endure…it’s not possible if you don’t manage your mind and beliefs. Like a new rubber band, any momentary relief that you feel will snap right back to the painful baseline as long as you have not healed/restructured your core beliefs in regard to the situation that you seek to heal from.
  • For all of the yogis reading this, Yoga is NOT by definition asana (the physical postures that many practice) which is why you’re likely not experiencing the profound changes and personal growth that yoga promises. Sure you’ll experience some benefit, but you’ll eventually plateau and what you’ll be left with is extremely limiting, unsustainable and even potentially harmful. Yoga is meditation… is a practice of managing your mind not a practice of putting your feet behind your head or standing on your hands in a bikini (again…let’s just throw this all out on the table). It looks beautiful for sure, but I encourage you to be clear on what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. 

In full transparency, I can relate to all of the above mentioned…..I’ve needed both therapy and pharmaceuticals at a particular time of my life; I’ve sought out healers to heal me; I’ve stood on my hands with my feet behind my head all to help me see through some serious darkness but I also passionately and diligently applied meditation to become independent, Self-Centered*, empowered and to take charge of ME and my life experience! 

{Allow me to take pause for a moment and clarify what I mean by being ‘Self-Centered’- why did centering in ones Self ever become a bad thing?  This is not about making life choices at others expense; I don’t mean at others comfort. Very often our life choices will indeed make others uncomfortable but that’s for them to sort out…..what I mean by Self-Centered, is not at my expense.}

Please do not mis-understand…I’m not claiming that I no longer suffer or that I don’t care about others and how they feel. I’m a human living a human experience, suffering is not only part of the deal but essential to our human experience and living grace. The goal of meditation is not to avoid suffering or to transcend this human experience but to fully engage in the dance and restructure our relationship to suffering and its purpose which consequently restructures our relationship that we have with others. 

Meditation has become a lifestyle for me, and as a result, my life has become extraordinary! 

How so?

  • I trust and have faith in ME
  • My relationships are infinitely better
  • My creativity has become reality through focus and productivity as opposed to just ideas and dreams
  • I successfully live my dharma (soul purpose) as my profession
  • Stress happens…I have the strength to stop the stories which perpetuate it
  • Did someone say negative overthinking? Now I’m able to pivot to positive thoughts and avoid inevitable manifesting of the less than desirable outcome (yes…manifesting goes both ways)

These are just a few examples of my experience as a result of taking control of my mind through meditation. I have completely changed my life to one that has integrity and is authentic to me. I am willing to lose relationships rather than lose my Self ever again. I know that through painful life experiences, there is a depth of grace that I do not have words for and words don’t tend to elude me. 


Perhaps you’ve tried meditation and while you might feel blissful immediately after, a few minutes later you’re right back into rumination and worry. OR….you can’t even sit long enough proclaiming that meditation is not for you.

And guess what…..there are tons of meditation apps and YouTube videos that you can enjoy but they don’t work in supporting lasting change.

So what’s the deal? Why aren’t these practices working?

Look at it this way….it has taken as many years as you are alive to (unintentionally) train your mind to operate & perceive as it does which you then act out in your choices (yes….your reality is a result of your choices). We believe that the big choices that we make have to do with things like what career path to pursue, where to live, who to marry, to have children or not when in reality, the big choices that we make each and every single day is how we choose to show up.

Do we show up looking through a lens of appreciation and hope-fullness or with a dismal attitude? Operating on autopilot with our shadow side determining the destination is what creates your less than desirable daily reality. Furthermore, and this is super important so pay attention…..your thoughts gain momentum. What you think about first thing each day and as your day progresses will gain momentum.

The thoughts will grow exponentially, playing on repeat until they become a belief. Your attitude will not only build momentum but also energetically project outward, informing how others feel and respond to you having a profound impact on your relationships. This is not only in regard to negativity, but all of our attitudes and perceptions. Think about how it feels to be around someone with a bright outlook on life vs. someone who lives perpetually perceiving their glass as always being empty and it’s everyone else’s fault. 

Choosing your thoughts first thing in the morning, choosing your attitude, choosing how you’re going to live your day is literally everything in how your life plays out. These choices happen in meditation. I’m not saying that you aren’t going to experience challenges or pains, but how you experience and respond to these will be radically different mainly in your newfound ability to experience life as personally-impersonable.

“It’s two things: it’s totally impersonal and it’s totally personal, simultaneously. That’s the nature of the mystical experience of life. Everything about life is impersonal, but you have a personal experience. And the bridge between the personal and the impersonal is called prayer*.” –Caroline Myss 

(On an aside…for me, prayer is meditation. My meditation practice is deeply spiritual and is a beautiful companion to any faith or religion. For the atheists in the house…there’s no need to fret…meditation is not exclusively spiritual by any means.)

Why things happen or why people do things is not personal even though we assign it as such; others’ choices and actions are completely impersonal to everyone but themselves. How we metabolize our experience with others’ choices and beliefs…. how we choose to learn, grow, heal and contribute to society is the personal part of it all….the power of choice that we exercise as a result of our life experiences is deeply personal and the stuff that will inform the reality of your life.

Being able to discern between what is personal and what is not is the big challenge especially in the moment when we’re ready to react. Being able to peel ourselves away from this requires a practice of self-study which, in classical yoga, this is called svadhyaya. Instead of spending time and energy trying to figure out why someone or a situation is the way that it is, spend time looking into why you see it or experience it the way that you do (whatever it or whomever it is). Taking time for self inquiry does not mean that we’ll instantly come up with all of the answers and understanding, perhaps we’ll have an ah-hah moment with full clarity, perhaps we’ll exercise our patience and compassion for ourselves. 

Meditation will be your guide to engaging in your life in a fresh new way, with a lighter heart, infinitely greater clarity, Self- knowing, guidance and trust.

Meditation is protection from the depth and duration of pain that we feel from life experiences by polishing our lens of perception and pivoting us from taking things personally, to experiencing them as impersonal.

Meditation gives us the strength to choose our Self as opposed to perpetual self sacrifice as a toxic means of expressing love.

Meditation strengthens our endurance, willpower and integrity.

And in the words of the late, great TKV Desikachar, “Yoga (meditation) is relationship: you know that it’s working because your relationships with others improve. Your relationships with others improve as a result of your relationship with your Self improving.” 

This above are the outcomes of a daily meditation practice that I can attest to.

To come full circle, if meditation is the answer to most of your problems, but “yoga” classes and meditation apps or even regular meditation practices based on what we need in the moment won’t get you there then how does it work? How do we strengthen our minds so as not to live in torment and negative perceptions? How do we train our thoughts & beliefs? How can we change the trajectory of our lives when it feels like moving a mountain?

The answer is through commitment. 

Popping in and out of meditation practices when we need something specific in the moment is good. Do it. But to achieve all of the benefits that I’m speaking of here you need to choose a practice, preferably prescribed by a teacher, and commit to said practice every single day for an extended period of time. It took as long as you are alive to create your operating system, it’s fair that it will take some time to rewrite your operating systems. It’s also important to understand that meditation is as important to do daily as brushing your teeth; you would never go out into the world with stinky breath but we’ll charge our day with a shit attitude and then wonder why it’s a rocky road. What would happen if you stop brushing your teeth because they’re shiny and white? They would eventually turn yellow and rot…..the same principle applies to meditation and your mind! 

Furthermore, I’m specific about having a practice assigned by a teacher because very often, what we believe we need will actually perpetuate that which we seek to overcome. 

There was a moment in my life when I was having a very difficult time with someone who I was stuck with through my marriage. It was horrible. My living situation was a nightmare with this person verbally and emotionally attacking me and my children and I was living in a perpetual state of fight or flight. I met with my teacher sharing that I needed a practice to help get me through the situation. My then husband and I had some choices that needed to be made; through my (incorrect) perception that he was responsible for our position, I felt justified in my position that where we landed was solely my choice. I asked my teacher for my “object of meditation” to please be a mountain…, Everest. I wanted to feel strong, powerful and unconquerable but she denied my request reminding me that I’m also stubborn and that a mountain meditation would encourage that quality in me only to exacerbate the situation. Instead she gave me a meditation on bamboo which is strong but flexible and easily flourishes. 

Meditation is that powerful. 

We don’t choose an object of meditation because it’s pretty and nice or even because it feels comfortable……we choose the object based on the qualities within ourselves that we seek to enhance, dropping off the qualities that do not serve us. We are not trying to add anything; we are already absolutely perfect, what we are doing is taking away the beliefs of anything other than our perfection & unlimited potential. 

This takes work….intentional, daily work and commitment with faith in your ability to change your mind. The saying and belief that people don’t change is absolute rubbish and quite frankly, an excuse. Saying “it’s just the way that I am” is a copout…’s a choice, but it is indeed a copout. you have to want to change. Recognition that you are the only factor in your life that you have any power over to change is step one. Making the choice to do so is step two. Committing to sitting in a practice every single day is step three but then actually doing it is everything. 

Please do not take my word for it…test the theory. Try it out and see what happens. You have the power and ability to train your mind so as to live with ease and purpose each and every day, to navigate through life having a healthy relationship with your pains and challenges as opportunities for growth. 

Lastly, have faith in your Self my friend….I know that the mountain may seem steep, but turn your vision inward, beyond all of the mind-stuff and know that your truth is perfection. Turn your direction away from any external outcome as the benchmark of success, guiding your awareness to the expansive potential and perfection that has been within you….that IS you, all along.

You already are perfect.


Finding a teacher to curate a healthy meditation practice can be challenging at best and while meditation apps are lovely, they’re intended for relief in the moment. If you would like to experience meditation as a game changer in your life, please consider my Custom Meditation Prescription; you can learn more about it HERE